Who Can I Become?

Last week in Sunday Scribblings, I explored the what if's of my life. This week is time to explore the future of what I can be now. But first, I want to talk a little about the past.

A few years ago when I lived in Germany, my husband and I went to Weimar. I had heard of Weimar when I was studying German history; however, it wasn't until we walked its streets that I realized the importance of this small town. Weimar was the home of Goethe and Schiller. Goether is the most famous German poet. Schiller was the playwright that wrote the story of boy who's father shot the apple from his head.

Yes, yes, I should remember the name of the play, but because of the medication that I take every day, Ican accept that my memory is not perfect. Anyway, I found through walking the streets of Weimar that Goethe and Schiller had a safe place so that they could write and perform.

In our modern days, there is not too many safe places for artists that write. Because we live in an educated society, the skill of writing is not as revered. Who would you pick to write a technical publication--a person with flair? No, technical publications are so structured that there is very little creativity involved in the writing. The creativity is actually in the design of the technology.

I have always been an ambitious person. My illness has not stopped my central personality. I want... I need... to be known. As I beome better, I have found that I need to acknowledge this burning need to perform. I enjoy opening up the dark places in my psyche. I enjoy opening up the brilliant places. I enjoy telling you the little secrets.

Once there was a dog in my life that was half border collie and half austrailian sheep dog. She used to drag me through the high desert and show me her favorite places. We used to chase rabbits. She used to slid down the hill through cactus. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

And then she would grin at me. I learned to love animals and their personalities. But no, I will not be a vet.

And no, I will not be an actress.

And no, I will not go back to electronics.

And no, I will not travel the world like I did before.

Yes... I will perform through my writing. A lot of characters play on the stage of my mind and would like to meet you.